-=== The Real SysAdmin Howto ===-

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Translated from russian original version

By Kirill Tavobilov [ kirill@sdf.lonestar.org ]

Also known is certain circles as r0b0

Nevermind the grammar plz...;o))

The Real Admin is harsh, stinky and hairy. And also un-shaved.

The Real Admin drink everything: Vodka , 100% ethyl alcohol, Samogon and even Pepsi[TM].

The Real Admin start the day with 8oz of everclear - gsh

The Real Admin have used WinBl0w$ twice. When an cute Blonde come to him, asking questions about Word or Excel, he says her: "fuck 0ff".

The Real Admin never work on his home computer . Actually, all he need for his work is a sorta computer and telnet and nothing else. Thats it.

The Real Admin hate X-window , but he uses it sometimes.

The Real Admin write patches for his proggy's by himself. Its much easier for him to write his own code, then to use someone else code.

The Real admin have only one dream - would not to be dusturbed. Thats why, he is looking for a job sonewhere on ISP and of cause doing nothing on it.

The Real Admin dont't care of existance of ICQ and IRC . But he knows very well whatis talkd. It's easier for him to open a heart to a girl via talk, then in sorta pub.

The Real Admin owns computer at home . When he come at home with a girlfried, he is showing to her his new kernel and sendmail patches. He forget about gf afterwards and contune writing the patches.

The Real Admin HATE Winbl0w$. When someone bring him a hub or a switch whitch is configured via Windows proggy, he never touches it. He'll wrote one by himself or configure hub via telnet .

The Real Admin can interconnect computer with any network card, COM or LPT port. He works only with IP/NFS . He can't understand why ppl use IPX or Samba .

The Real Admin never ever read computer magazines . He hate 'em.

The Real admin never read books or printed documentation either. He is always reading from the screen and only BUGTRAQ. He may read few *nix info , but only from terminal screen.

The Real Admin dunno what is usenet, but he knows well whatis mail-list. He installed news server only because management demanded it.

The Real Admin can notice another Real Admin even if distace beetwenn when is 1 km. When they met, they exchange shell accounts on thier hosts. Shell accounts on other Real Admin's hosts is an important attribute of the Real Admin.

The Real Admin knows only one text editor vi, but he uses ed sometimes. Emacs editor considered very lame by the Real Admin.

The Real Admin creates a lot of command aliases in a shell. And often use commands in 2 sysmols length. He also knows very well all command parameters.

The Real Admin remember all his network with accuracy to every IP and every ports olpened on his hosts.

The Real Admin installs FreeBSD on to his core routers only via ftp. Never from disks or CD .

The Real Admin often dont remember his RIPE code. If there is an issue of registering new domain, he get new RIPE code and forget it instantly.

The Real Admin never uses Install/Setup proggy's. He is doing simple and straightforward:

mkfs.ext2 /dev/hda1
mount /dev/hda1 /inst
mount /dev/hdb1 /tmp1
cd inst
cat /tmp1/syscore.tgz | tar -zx
lilo -c /inst/etc/lilo.conf
( sometime he forget bout umount thow )

The Real Admin never usues domain names while telnet'ing/ssh'ing to hosts. He always coonect by IP addresses, because remember 'em well.

The Real Admin never answer other, Simple Admins, questions. He says: "RTFM" or "try, may it'll work out somewhat".

The Real Admin doesn't have home page. What a hell he needs one?

The Real Admin could have only one dream nightmare - "He is paying for the InterNet usage". There is another bad dream - "His HDD's crashed". But anyway, The Real Admin could fix it in no time.

The Real Admin seldom react on e-mail without RIPE signature.

The Real Admin could write instruction of that sort:

#define OPTION(c,v) (_O&2&&**v?*(*v)++:!c||_O&4?0:(!(_O&1)&& \

Ussually, he is doing that all the time. His promo: "It was hard to write - It should be hard to read."

In case The Real Admin come to his girl home and notice computer in her room. He is starting to say lotsa bad words, asking her to install FreeBSD. He also starting to search for telnet and when he finds one, he is getting back to patching sendmail. Of course, he forget about girl existence at all.

"Intim", for the real admin is following: telnet'ing to his gf comp, and talk with her via $talk.

The Real Admin do not use www often, but when he needs it, he's doing that only with lynx.

The Real Admin do not sleep. If he sleep, he is doing it at the computer while IRC'ing with palz.

When The Real Admin is getting asked by girl for sending her his photo, he do $gzip myfoto | uuencode | mail girl@host, afterwards he understand that host is a host in his VPN, and while senmail is crunching his mail, he $adduser girl. Afterwords he's telling to the girl to get the mail from pop3@host. When he accidently remeber that his pop3 is firewalled, and telnet works only via ssh. Finnally, girl never get his photo. Actually The Real Admin seldom has his photos handy. What a hell he needs ones?

The Real Admin knows only one archive type - tgz.

The Real Admin write all his Course Papers in perl . If teachers do not uderstand it - The Real Admin call then USERS and refuses to write in lame Pascal. He often get kicked of .edu for this attitude.

The Real admin could write any config file in /etc/ from scratch, even sendmail.cf

If The Real Admin doing ftp DL from server and its getting slow, he put wget to it and goes back to sleep.

The Real Admin hate RPM.

The Real admin doesn't care about computer hardware on his hosts. 1st of all he write all HDD's in /etc/fstab and forget about 'em instantly.

The Real Admin could only call your self a real admin if he a:) have been rooted more than once, b) are responsible for more than 6 open rrlays being in orbs ;) - gsh

The Real Admin - gsh think 'today the internet will be shut down so we can vacuum it'. Most Real Admins feel the same.

MatrixBSD.org by Kirill Tavobilov

This -= The Real Admin Kirix OS - is the best be continued... If you like it, please send me you The Real Admin tips...i'll put 'em here

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Last updated Wed Nov 05 15:00:00 2015